Cancer, we meet again, you evil sum bitch.

As, you can tell by the title of this post, we have gotten some bad news.  Last week, mom went to the doctor to have a mass checked that she found under her arm.  We kept faith that maybe it was an enlarged lymphnode or possibly a cyst, but deep down I think mom and I already knew it was cancer.  It was on the side where her previous breast cancer was and well, you just kinda get these achy feelings anytime there is a lump on your body after you have already had cancer.

We got a call a short while ago from her surgeon's nurse that, yes, it was cancer.  We don't know what type and really, to us, it's name doesn't matter.  It's cancer.  It's awful.  It's scary.  It's painful.  It's a life and time stealer.  It has robbed my family of my grandmother, my aunt, both of my uncles, my step father, and my mother's massive boobies. I don't care what it is called, all I know is that I hate it.

We are ok.  We had a great big ole ugly cry last Wednesday.  You know the kind of crying where snot runs not only from your nose but your eyes as well. The kind of cry where your breath even stinks.  My poor husband, I don't think he has ever seen me that upset.  He did the right thing though and let me sob uncontrolably and just hug me. Mom and I just held each other for a long time and started getting our plan of action together because that is the only way one beats cancer, is together.  And we may not beat it, and we realize that, but we will certainly not let it take away our joy.

I, of course, am worried about her and my Lucas.  He adores his Nanners.  She is one of the only people who can play his imaginary games in just the right way.  How do we tell him his camping buddy is sick?  How do we tell him that she won't be able to play everyday?  Then, I think about myself.  What on earth will I do without my precious mother?!  And then, I stop myself, because my mom is not gone yet.  She is still here.  I can still hug her. Laugh with her and at her.  I am not going to waste my time dwelling on what could be or will be, when I have my right now.  We are all trying to be morning people right now, because all time is precious, especially now. I am staying strong and positive. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing because that is who my mother taught me to be, a positive look on the bright side, let's go have a drink kind of person. Mom is also doing well.  She is a warrior by every definition of the word.  Constantly thinking of her troops and how this will impact us and her dear friends.  She is scared, but not ready to throw in the towel.  We have decided as a family what treatments she will and won't do, remember, we have been on this ride before, we have some idea of what to expect and what we will and won't do for more time on this earth.  Quality is most important to us all.

A few people, already know that we were most likely dealing with this sorry bastard again and so they sent mom some of the most beautiful flowers.  Sadly, these flowers caused her eyes to literally pop out of her head.  So please, no more flowers.  But we would love your prayers, your notes and words of love, friendship and encouragement.  We will keep you posted on our journey.  It's hard for me to write as much as I would like to because I have to very attention hungry children, but I will certainly do my best to keep everyone informed.  Again, please say some big ole giant prayers to the big guy upstairs for us, we could certainly use them. Thank you in advance for enjoying our tales, there will be more.  We are not done yet ;o)

Did you hear the one about the blind woman and the airport?

It was a fine spring day and I was home from college visiting mom and Don.  This was in the mid to late 90's before 911, so life was still kinda simple and not so scary.  On this particular trip home, I was commissioned to take mom to the airport for a Texas School for the Blind board meeting.  She was a board member and had to make trips a few times a year to Austin for meetings.  She would usually fly out of Love Field.  If you have never been to Love Field, I'm sorry.  It's such a nice, small, easy to maneuver place compared to DFW or Bush in Houston.  Or at least it was back then.  

On this particular day, mom was in a tither.  Why?  I have no idea.  My mother will worry about the most absurd things.  Mom is a HUGE people pleaser and most of her worries stem from trying to make life easier for the other people in her life, but instead she drives them to wanting to consume massive amounts of liquor and leave her in other people's homes so she can please them.  

As the driver and lead sighted person in our home, I was responsible for making sure everyone was put together and had all their stuff for the impending ride.  For mom, I had to make sure her hair was decent, her clothes matched and her lipstick wasn't gooped up in the corners of her mouth.  For Don, I usually just had to roll his sleeves up.  He always, always, always had his shirt sleeves rolled.  It drove me nuts at the time but I now miss rolling those sleeves so much.  Don was always the easy one, mom was a little more work.  For her meeting mom decided to wear this cute little coral pink dress suit.  It really was adorbs.  Her accessories were her white cane, her brown purse and a large brown leather briefcase that had a large eagle embossed on it.  The briefcase was Don's and he gave it to mom so she could feel more professional.  

Poor ole blind Mary Sue!  Her hands were so full with the cane, the briefcase, the purse and holding onto Don.  We usually traveled as train.  I was in the lead with Don holding onto my left arm and mom holding onto his left arm.  We were a sight!   Just picture us in your minds eye walking in a parking garage to load up into our golden minivan that I named Junebug.  Don loved minivans and he had a bunch of them in our time together.  I got Don loaded up in the front seat, and mom always rode in the back behind Don and I was at the controls and off to the airport we went!

We lived in downtown Dallas, so getting to Love Field did not take very long at all.  Mom was a nervous wreck though.  I believe she must have thought we were going to be late because she kept checking her watch.  I know this because mom uses a braille watch, so the lid flips up for her to touch the watch face and feel the hands.  When she is finished the watch face clicks closed.  I kept hearing the click, a lot.  

We finally pulled up to the parking garage at the airport.  I stopped to get the parking ticket so the arm would raise up.  This was a very brief stop.  Very brief, but evidently long enough for my anxiety ridden mother to open the van door and take herself along with her cane, briefcase and purse out of the vehicle.  I did not notice she was gone, until I pulled forward and then I see this bright corally pink blob in my rear view mirror running in a very slow disjointed pace with the briefcase at her knees.  I stop and look over at Don and said, "Don, did she get out?" and he paused as he always did and said, "I believe she did."

Fortunately, there was no one behind us to get into the garage, because they surely would have questioned the presence of the dressed up blind woman exiting a van and then chasing it into a parking garage.  I stop the van and put it in park and go get mom.  We had to walk around the arm and the whole time she just kept saying, "I just wanted to give Don a kiss good bye." As she said this she just kept laughing, so hard.  My mother's laugh sounds similar to Ernie's laugh on Sesame Street, it's quite entertaining.  As, I get mom loaded back into the van, Don says "Mom, were you leaving us?" And again her response was, "I just wanted to give you a kiss."  

Evidently, mom thought we were dropping her off at the curb for her to just find her way to the gate.  I have never understood that reasoning because we have never just dumped her at the curb.  Silly woman!  Once, I got us parked I got that little woman and all of her paraphernalia and started walking with her to the gate, because back then I could do that.  Mother laughed all the way there.  It's not like we didn't already attract attention but now everyone was wondering why was this blind woman holding her head in her hands laughing uncontrollably.  Of course, I was the one getting the weird looks, mom never had to see those, just me.  Once I got her to the gate, I tried sitting her down in an empty seat, but she was laughing so hard and not paying attention, that she didn't sit where I originally placed her hand, so she nearly sat on an unsuspecting stranger.  I recused them both in time and got her in the right spot.  I then went to tell the check-in folks that she would need assistance in the pre-board, but they didn't need me to tell them that, it was obvious that the woman needed help.  I gave her a hug and told her to please behave on her trip and as I left I heard her asking the person next her if they wanted to hear a funny story.  

God bless her!

All Blind Children of Texas

As some of you may know, mom is president of a 501C3 nonprofit organization called All Blind Children of Texas (ABCTX).  Mom and Don were 2 of the organizers of this organization in 2004.  In the later years of Don’s life, this organization was Don’s passion and remains Mom’s passion today. 

Each year, Austin has a day of giving and ABCTX is included as one of the charities to support.  The day of giving starts at 6:00 p.m. on the 20^th of March and goes on until 6:00 p.m. on the 21^st of March.  You are invited to visit the www.abctx.org webpage to learn about the work this organization does.  There is a link on that page taking you to the Amplify Austin website where you will immediately be connected to the ABCTX donation opportunity. 

We hope you will visit the abctx.org website to learn about the exciting projects the organization supports.  All of the dollars you donate go directly to services for children with visual impairments across Texas.  ABCTX provides expanded core curriculum for blind children such as summer camps, creative writing programs, and the opportunity to compete in Sports Extravaganza which occurs each year in October in Dallas .  Many parents have never seen their children have the opportunity to actually compete with others.  This gives parents hope for their blind child.

When Don passed, he requested that contributions be sent to ABCTX in lieu of flowers.  With his passing Don made one more generous contribution to blindness. The contributions made were approximately $5,000.00 causing many wonderful opportunities for blind and low vision children to be realized.

We hope that you will find it in your heart to help ABCTX continue to grow. Thank you, Mary Sue and Cindy

Mom took over today...sigh.

I have been reviewing Cindy’s posts to her blog and I think she has done a masterful job of telling stories, from her point of view.  But, as I sit here in my tiny house in beautiful Pinehurst , Texas, I feel that I should give a bit of information concerning my side of the story.

It is definitely true that I had Cindy reading bills and other mail when she was very young.  What a wonderful teaching tool for her!  By the time she went through kindergarten twice, she was reading pretty well.  Yes, she did experience kindergarten twice and I have been very pleased that she hasn’t mentioned that fact yet.  

For years and years, she blamed me for having her go twice, but her teacher said that she wasn’t drawing her stick figures properly.  Her teacher stated that by the end of kindergarten, Cindy should be adding arms and legs to the body.  She simply wasn’t doing that.  But she could read and that is all thanks to me.  As a blind person, who would have thought those drawings were significant.

As my life has progressed, I have learned that if I don’t touch something to know that it is there, things are absolutely not in my world.  Since I had no real need for lights myself, you should not be surprised that lights were not very important to me.  Again, though it sounds a little strange to our sighted friends, Cindy has a skill that could only have come from her extremely thoughtful teacher!  That’s me, again.  

I could help all of you to gain some of my family’s without lights skills. Though, none of our acquaintances have indicated a need for training in the no lights adventure.  However, if any of our readers would like a seminar on no lights, I would be pleased to teach you.

Another area that Cindy has not totally covered is her feeding as a baby and a toddler. She has failed to mention that by the time she was 13 months old, I could hand her a jar of baby food and she could eat straight from the jar without making much of a mess.  I felt really good about her ability to eat like this.  It’s another of those situations of survival of the fittest.  She was tired of having to eat in the kitchen sink, so she learned to eat very well on her own.  Don’t you think that was a valuable lesson for her?  I mean, she learned that if you want something done right, do it yourself.  This teaching method gave her independence and she was able to attempt to teach her students how to do the same thing.  I don’t mean eating from the jar, but gaining independence every day.

Well, I hope that I have given you a bit of insight about what my child rearing reasoning has always been.  All kidding aside, I have been so lucky to have a daughter like Cindy.  For the most part, we have laughed our way through life. Don’t get me wrong!  We have disagreements but ultimately we respect one another.  I have enjoyed every aspect of her growth and I am very much enjoying watching my daughter being a mother.

Side note from Cindy: I'm taking back over tomorrow.  Mom gets too mushy. ;o)

          

All Tied Up

Since I took the weekend off from writing, I thought I would redeem myself today by sharing one of my favorite stories about my mom and her brother Walter Charles.  Please see the humor in this and don’t feel sorry for mom.  She has always laughed about this and so should you.  Then make sure your own children never do it to their friends or siblings.

There are many unique tales that involve these two, because my Uncle Walt was a very interesting character.  He was basically my family's version of Jessie James.  We think he had a good heart, but we weren't always sure. These two youngsters got in trouble frequently, on their own and together.

On this particular day, it was a bright, sunny Saturday morning and uncle Walt and Mom had done their chores.  Mom’s dad believed in Saturday morning chores and he gave both kids things to do.  Mom says that if it was nothing but moving gravel in the driveway from the bottom to the top, they had to do it.  On this particular Saturday, they had done just that, moved the gravel to the top of the driveway rather than leaving it at the bottom.  They also had to do some weeding in the pasture.  

They, finally, completed the chores and it was time to play. Mom had a board swing that was attached to a large tree and she loved to swing really high in it.  She was about nine-years-old when this happened.  Mom’s mother had to go to the grocery store and she decided to leave mom and Uncle Walt home alone.  Uncle Walt was old enough to stay with mom.  So, mom swung and while Walt watched cartoons.

After my grandmother had been gone for about an hour, one of Uncle Walt’s buddies came by to ask if he could go fishing.  Walt told him that he couldn’t go right then because he was staying with Mary Sue.  The boys then tried to think of a way to fish and keep mom safe.  Mom could hear the conversation and she was a bit worried about what they might do with her, as she should have been.

The idea finally came to the boys and they began to put it in motion.  Walt went to the barn and got some rope.  I'm betting you can see where this is going and it isn't good, for anyone involved. 

The boys told mom that they were going fishing but they wanted to keep her safe until their mom got home.  Uncle Walt and his friend then took cute little Mary Sue and tied her to the tree.  They didn’t tie her real tight, fortunately.  In fact, she could walk around a little bit. She could also sit down by the tree.  They obviously cared, but the fish were calling. 

Walt told Mary Sue to let their mother know that he had gone fishing with his buddy.  Mary Sue cheerfully said she would do just that and off the boys went to fish.  I don't think any of them had any idea how mad my grandmother could get, but when she came home to find her little 9 year old blind daughter tied to a tree, while her brother went fishing.....well, lets just say Walter Charles was in a heap of trouble.  Mom made out OK though. I think she even got some ice cream out of the whole ordeal.  

Cooking Part 2

Ahhh, more culinary tales. My favorite! Today, I thought I would share my mother's love of meatloaf.  Mom has been on an infinite search for the perfect meatloaf my entire life.  I have no idea why either.  I never really crave meatloaf or have thought to myself, "Gee, I wish mom would get in the kitchen and scrunch together some meat and eggs and spices with her hands and then bake it for me."  Nope, I have never ever never thought that.  But alas, moms will do as they please and mine is no different.

Mom has tried numerous recipes, some call for bread crumbs, some call for crackers, some say to use Italian seasoning, while others recommend Lipton soup mix.  She has tried them all.  The occasion that mom really out did herself was not long after we left ole BT.

We had been living in our new apartment for a few months and I had started school in Crowley ISD.  Things were going pretty well, for the most part.  On this particular day mom had stayed home from work.  I can't remember why but I do remember coming home from school and finding mom in the kitchen with a blender, a pound of ground beef, and a jar of spaghetti sauce.  To this day, mom will deny this ever happened, but I'm telling you, IT DID!!

Can you guess what she was planning to do with those three items?  If you guessed, throw them all in a blender, you would be right. I'm not sure if you have ever seen what happens to a blended tomato, but it doesn't stay red, it turns a sort of orange color.  Now, think of what an entire jar of spaghetti sauce would turn into with some pink meat....well, friends, it becomes a bright fluorescent orange color.  I swear it could have stopped a truck in the black of night.

As I'm watching mom create this blended spectacle of a dinner, I ask her "Mom, why are you doing that to the meat?" She replied, "I just thought this might work better than using my hands." Folks, if you ever get this response from someone, stop them from proceeding any further, and you begin to mash that meat up with your own hands. I beg you, do it yourself!!

Meatloaf should never be poured into a pan.  It was the most god awful looking creation I had ever seen.  I had to help mom empty this goo from the blender because she isn't the best at pouring things.  It splashed into the little loaf pan and I just couldn't imagine putting that orange mush into my mouth.  I told mom that I thought I was going to eat some cereal for dinner instead, and she said "That's fine, more for me!" Yep, mom, it's all you sweetie.

After, the "loaf" baked, you would have thought it would lose some of it's luminescent glow and maybe turn a little more golden, but alas it was still brighter than a Sunkist soda.  I kept to my word and didn't touch it and mom kept hers and enjoyed the "loaf". She said it tasted great, I somehow doubt that, but my mom would probably never let me know if it was terrible, just because she hates to be wrong.  Especially, when it is her own cooking.

Have a great Friday night friends! Please celebrate it without meat that you molded into a pan! ;o)

Burnt Toast

After we got everything running along pretty well, Mom decided to remarry.  I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this other than to say it was a terrible time in both our lives.  We thought it would last forever, but thankfully, it only lasted about 5 years. 

Burnt Toast came into our lives like a whirl wind.  This man was truly a silver tongued fox, especially, when it came to getting mom to go into his hair brained schemes.  He tried to convince her that the three of us could live in a 26 ft. travel trailer.  Fortunately, she did not go for that one. Then, he talked her into getting a HAM radio license.  Mom's call sign was N5JAQ, November 5 Juliet Alpha Quebec.  I remember this because every time she used the radio, it would interfere with my TV and scramble the reception.  I would hear her instead. He convinced her to move onto the same property with his ex-wife and their children.  I always felt horrible for her.  Can you imagine having to drive by your ex-husband and his new wife every single day? He really was a terrible person. 

He was so slick and sly in his methods.  Our move from Austin occured before we even knew what was happening. Each day mom would come home to find furniture missing.  One day it was the dining room furniture.  Another day, it was the couch.  Still another day all of the living room furniture was gone.  Eventually, we were eating on plastic Lean Cuisine plates at a card table with director chairs.  It was horrible. Mom was surprised by this, but it didn’t stop and she didn't know how to make it stop.

Eventually, we moved to Fort Worth, Everman to be specific, to live in a single wide manufactured home (that’s a trailer you know).  We lived there for about a year and then we moved out to a little town called Poolville.  Mom always told everyone that Poolville was not the end of the world but you sure could see the dropping off place from our back door.  I loved the school I went to and the friends I made.  I honestly, do not think I would have survived that terrible time if it weren't for my friends and their families.  I don't know if they ever really knew how bad my home life was but they allowed me to stay at their homes almost every weekend. 

Poolville was a very small school.  There were about 150 kids from kinder through 12th grade. It was a good school though, full of good people.  I was there from 3rd grade through 6th.  I was a very shy and insecure kid at that time. BT was the kind of man who believed children should be seen and not heard. This type of small setting was perfect for me and my state of mind at the time.  To think of leaving my small country school and going to a huge city school terrified me.  It was only a matter of time before we left and that was a good thing. Fortunately, mom allowed me to stay through 6th grade.  We had to that leave that world.  Neither of us could have emotionally survived if we had stayed much longer. I'm so fortunate that most of the friends I made during that time are still in my life, thanks to Facebook. (Hi Anna, Charlie, Misty and Cathy)

School let out May 27th and we moved into Ft. Worth on May 28th. Mom and BT found an apartment for us in southwest Ft. Worth, not far from Hulen Mall.  We needed a place where we could have easy access to public transportation or friends that could help us from time to time.  This fit all the needed criteria.  It was weird on moving day, because BT helped us move in, then left with his parents after all of our things were loaded into our new home.

On that first night, we ordered pizza, cuddled in mom's big bed and relished what was ahead.  Mom was in control again.  We were together.  We were happy, at last.  We were taking our lives back. 

The one good thing that BT gave us was his family. It still amazes me how such a horrible person could come from such great people and have such great children.  We are still blessed to have his daughter and her family still a large part of our lives.  For that, I'm truly grateful.

Many people used to ask if I'm bitter or angry about that time in our lives.  I can honestly say, no.  It made me who I am.  I am a better person because of him not despite him.  My mother and I have a bond even greater than we had before him, we needed each other and we still do. He didn't win.  We did.