As, you can tell by the title of this post, we have gotten some bad news. Last week, mom went to the doctor to have a mass checked that she found under her arm. We kept faith that maybe it was an enlarged lymphnode or possibly a cyst, but deep down I think mom and I already knew it was cancer. It was on the side where her previous breast cancer was and well, you just kinda get these achy feelings anytime there is a lump on your body after you have already had cancer.
We got a call a short while ago from her surgeon's nurse that, yes, it was cancer. We don't know what type and really, to us, it's name doesn't matter. It's cancer. It's awful. It's scary. It's painful. It's a life and time stealer. It has robbed my family of my grandmother, my aunt, both of my uncles, my step father, and my mother's massive boobies. I don't care what it is called, all I know is that I hate it.
We are ok. We had a great big ole ugly cry last Wednesday. You know the kind of crying where snot runs not only from your nose but your eyes as well. The kind of cry where your breath even stinks. My poor husband, I don't think he has ever seen me that upset. He did the right thing though and let me sob uncontrolably and just hug me. Mom and I just held each other for a long time and started getting our plan of action together because that is the only way one beats cancer, is together. And we may not beat it, and we realize that, but we will certainly not let it take away our joy.
I, of course, am worried about her and my Lucas. He adores his Nanners. She is one of the only people who can play his imaginary games in just the right way. How do we tell him his camping buddy is sick? How do we tell him that she won't be able to play everyday? Then, I think about myself. What on earth will I do without my precious mother?! And then, I stop myself, because my mom is not gone yet. She is still here. I can still hug her. Laugh with her and at her. I am not going to waste my time dwelling on what could be or will be, when I have my right now. We are all trying to be morning people right now, because all time is precious, especially now. I am staying strong and positive. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing because that is who my mother taught me to be, a positive look on the bright side, let's go have a drink kind of person. Mom is also doing well. She is a warrior by every definition of the word. Constantly thinking of her troops and how this will impact us and her dear friends. She is scared, but not ready to throw in the towel. We have decided as a family what treatments she will and won't do, remember, we have been on this ride before, we have some idea of what to expect and what we will and won't do for more time on this earth. Quality is most important to us all.
A few people, already know that we were most likely dealing with this sorry bastard again and so they sent mom some of the most beautiful flowers. Sadly, these flowers caused her eyes to literally pop out of her head. So please, no more flowers. But we would love your prayers, your notes and words of love, friendship and encouragement. We will keep you posted on our journey. It's hard for me to write as much as I would like to because I have to very attention hungry children, but I will certainly do my best to keep everyone informed. Again, please say some big ole giant prayers to the big guy upstairs for us, we could certainly use them. Thank you in advance for enjoying our tales, there will be more. We are not done yet ;o)
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