As, you can tell by the title of this post, we have gotten some bad news. Last week, mom went to the doctor to have a mass checked that she found under her arm. We kept faith that maybe it was an enlarged lymphnode or possibly a cyst, but deep down I think mom and I already knew it was cancer. It was on the side where her previous breast cancer was and well, you just kinda get these achy feelings anytime there is a lump on your body after you have already had cancer.
We got a call a short while ago from her surgeon's nurse that, yes, it was cancer. We don't know what type and really, to us, it's name doesn't matter. It's cancer. It's awful. It's scary. It's painful. It's a life and time stealer. It has robbed my family of my grandmother, my aunt, both of my uncles, my step father, and my mother's massive boobies. I don't care what it is called, all I know is that I hate it.
We are ok. We had a great big ole ugly cry last Wednesday. You know the kind of crying where snot runs not only from your nose but your eyes as well. The kind of cry where your breath even stinks. My poor husband, I don't think he has ever seen me that upset. He did the right thing though and let me sob uncontrolably and just hug me. Mom and I just held each other for a long time and started getting our plan of action together because that is the only way one beats cancer, is together. And we may not beat it, and we realize that, but we will certainly not let it take away our joy.
I, of course, am worried about her and my Lucas. He adores his Nanners. She is one of the only people who can play his imaginary games in just the right way. How do we tell him his camping buddy is sick? How do we tell him that she won't be able to play everyday? Then, I think about myself. What on earth will I do without my precious mother?! And then, I stop myself, because my mom is not gone yet. She is still here. I can still hug her. Laugh with her and at her. I am not going to waste my time dwelling on what could be or will be, when I have my right now. We are all trying to be morning people right now, because all time is precious, especially now. I am staying strong and positive. I'm going to keep smiling and laughing because that is who my mother taught me to be, a positive look on the bright side, let's go have a drink kind of person. Mom is also doing well. She is a warrior by every definition of the word. Constantly thinking of her troops and how this will impact us and her dear friends. She is scared, but not ready to throw in the towel. We have decided as a family what treatments she will and won't do, remember, we have been on this ride before, we have some idea of what to expect and what we will and won't do for more time on this earth. Quality is most important to us all.
A few people, already know that we were most likely dealing with this sorry bastard again and so they sent mom some of the most beautiful flowers. Sadly, these flowers caused her eyes to literally pop out of her head. So please, no more flowers. But we would love your prayers, your notes and words of love, friendship and encouragement. We will keep you posted on our journey. It's hard for me to write as much as I would like to because I have to very attention hungry children, but I will certainly do my best to keep everyone informed. Again, please say some big ole giant prayers to the big guy upstairs for us, we could certainly use them. Thank you in advance for enjoying our tales, there will be more. We are not done yet ;o)
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Did you hear the one about the blind woman and the airport?
It was a fine spring day and I was home from college visiting mom and Don. This was in the mid to late 90's before 911, so life was still kinda simple and not so scary. On this particular trip home, I was commissioned to take mom to the airport for a Texas School for the Blind board meeting. She was a board member and had to make trips a few times a year to Austin for meetings. She would usually fly out of Love Field. If you have never been to Love Field, I'm sorry. It's such a nice, small, easy to maneuver place compared to DFW or Bush in Houston. Or at least it was back then.
On this particular day, mom was in a tither. Why? I have no idea. My mother will worry about the most absurd things. Mom is a HUGE people pleaser and most of her worries stem from trying to make life easier for the other people in her life, but instead she drives them to wanting to consume massive amounts of liquor and leave her in other people's homes so she can please them.
As the driver and lead sighted person in our home, I was responsible for making sure everyone was put together and had all their stuff for the impending ride. For mom, I had to make sure her hair was decent, her clothes matched and her lipstick wasn't gooped up in the corners of her mouth. For Don, I usually just had to roll his sleeves up. He always, always, always had his shirt sleeves rolled. It drove me nuts at the time but I now miss rolling those sleeves so much. Don was always the easy one, mom was a little more work. For her meeting mom decided to wear this cute little coral pink dress suit. It really was adorbs. Her accessories were her white cane, her brown purse and a large brown leather briefcase that had a large eagle embossed on it. The briefcase was Don's and he gave it to mom so she could feel more professional.
Poor ole blind Mary Sue! Her hands were so full with the cane, the briefcase, the purse and holding onto Don. We usually traveled as train. I was in the lead with Don holding onto my left arm and mom holding onto his left arm. We were a sight! Just picture us in your minds eye walking in a parking garage to load up into our golden minivan that I named Junebug. Don loved minivans and he had a bunch of them in our time together. I got Don loaded up in the front seat, and mom always rode in the back behind Don and I was at the controls and off to the airport we went!
We lived in downtown Dallas, so getting to Love Field did not take very long at all. Mom was a nervous wreck though. I believe she must have thought we were going to be late because she kept checking her watch. I know this because mom uses a braille watch, so the lid flips up for her to touch the watch face and feel the hands. When she is finished the watch face clicks closed. I kept hearing the click, a lot.
We finally pulled up to the parking garage at the airport. I stopped to get the parking ticket so the arm would raise up. This was a very brief stop. Very brief, but evidently long enough for my anxiety ridden mother to open the van door and take herself along with her cane, briefcase and purse out of the vehicle. I did not notice she was gone, until I pulled forward and then I see this bright corally pink blob in my rear view mirror running in a very slow disjointed pace with the briefcase at her knees. I stop and look over at Don and said, "Don, did she get out?" and he paused as he always did and said, "I believe she did."
Fortunately, there was no one behind us to get into the garage, because they surely would have questioned the presence of the dressed up blind woman exiting a van and then chasing it into a parking garage. I stop the van and put it in park and go get mom. We had to walk around the arm and the whole time she just kept saying, "I just wanted to give Don a kiss good bye." As she said this she just kept laughing, so hard. My mother's laugh sounds similar to Ernie's laugh on Sesame Street, it's quite entertaining. As, I get mom loaded back into the van, Don says "Mom, were you leaving us?" And again her response was, "I just wanted to give you a kiss."
Evidently, mom thought we were dropping her off at the curb for her to just find her way to the gate. I have never understood that reasoning because we have never just dumped her at the curb. Silly woman! Once, I got us parked I got that little woman and all of her paraphernalia and started walking with her to the gate, because back then I could do that. Mother laughed all the way there. It's not like we didn't already attract attention but now everyone was wondering why was this blind woman holding her head in her hands laughing uncontrollably. Of course, I was the one getting the weird looks, mom never had to see those, just me. Once I got her to the gate, I tried sitting her down in an empty seat, but she was laughing so hard and not paying attention, that she didn't sit where I originally placed her hand, so she nearly sat on an unsuspecting stranger. I recused them both in time and got her in the right spot. I then went to tell the check-in folks that she would need assistance in the pre-board, but they didn't need me to tell them that, it was obvious that the woman needed help. I gave her a hug and told her to please behave on her trip and as I left I heard her asking the person next her if they wanted to hear a funny story.
God bless her!
On this particular day, mom was in a tither. Why? I have no idea. My mother will worry about the most absurd things. Mom is a HUGE people pleaser and most of her worries stem from trying to make life easier for the other people in her life, but instead she drives them to wanting to consume massive amounts of liquor and leave her in other people's homes so she can please them.
As the driver and lead sighted person in our home, I was responsible for making sure everyone was put together and had all their stuff for the impending ride. For mom, I had to make sure her hair was decent, her clothes matched and her lipstick wasn't gooped up in the corners of her mouth. For Don, I usually just had to roll his sleeves up. He always, always, always had his shirt sleeves rolled. It drove me nuts at the time but I now miss rolling those sleeves so much. Don was always the easy one, mom was a little more work. For her meeting mom decided to wear this cute little coral pink dress suit. It really was adorbs. Her accessories were her white cane, her brown purse and a large brown leather briefcase that had a large eagle embossed on it. The briefcase was Don's and he gave it to mom so she could feel more professional.
Poor ole blind Mary Sue! Her hands were so full with the cane, the briefcase, the purse and holding onto Don. We usually traveled as train. I was in the lead with Don holding onto my left arm and mom holding onto his left arm. We were a sight! Just picture us in your minds eye walking in a parking garage to load up into our golden minivan that I named Junebug. Don loved minivans and he had a bunch of them in our time together. I got Don loaded up in the front seat, and mom always rode in the back behind Don and I was at the controls and off to the airport we went!
We lived in downtown Dallas, so getting to Love Field did not take very long at all. Mom was a nervous wreck though. I believe she must have thought we were going to be late because she kept checking her watch. I know this because mom uses a braille watch, so the lid flips up for her to touch the watch face and feel the hands. When she is finished the watch face clicks closed. I kept hearing the click, a lot.
We finally pulled up to the parking garage at the airport. I stopped to get the parking ticket so the arm would raise up. This was a very brief stop. Very brief, but evidently long enough for my anxiety ridden mother to open the van door and take herself along with her cane, briefcase and purse out of the vehicle. I did not notice she was gone, until I pulled forward and then I see this bright corally pink blob in my rear view mirror running in a very slow disjointed pace with the briefcase at her knees. I stop and look over at Don and said, "Don, did she get out?" and he paused as he always did and said, "I believe she did."
Fortunately, there was no one behind us to get into the garage, because they surely would have questioned the presence of the dressed up blind woman exiting a van and then chasing it into a parking garage. I stop the van and put it in park and go get mom. We had to walk around the arm and the whole time she just kept saying, "I just wanted to give Don a kiss good bye." As she said this she just kept laughing, so hard. My mother's laugh sounds similar to Ernie's laugh on Sesame Street, it's quite entertaining. As, I get mom loaded back into the van, Don says "Mom, were you leaving us?" And again her response was, "I just wanted to give you a kiss."
Evidently, mom thought we were dropping her off at the curb for her to just find her way to the gate. I have never understood that reasoning because we have never just dumped her at the curb. Silly woman! Once, I got us parked I got that little woman and all of her paraphernalia and started walking with her to the gate, because back then I could do that. Mother laughed all the way there. It's not like we didn't already attract attention but now everyone was wondering why was this blind woman holding her head in her hands laughing uncontrollably. Of course, I was the one getting the weird looks, mom never had to see those, just me. Once I got her to the gate, I tried sitting her down in an empty seat, but she was laughing so hard and not paying attention, that she didn't sit where I originally placed her hand, so she nearly sat on an unsuspecting stranger. I recused them both in time and got her in the right spot. I then went to tell the check-in folks that she would need assistance in the pre-board, but they didn't need me to tell them that, it was obvious that the woman needed help. I gave her a hug and told her to please behave on her trip and as I left I heard her asking the person next her if they wanted to hear a funny story.
God bless her!
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